


Loss and Gains

by MistressKhaos



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bottom Dean, M/M, Smut, Top Castiel, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-29
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-02 23:28:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1062935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressKhaos/pseuds/MistressKhaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester</p><p>Dean is married to Lisa. Lisa dies in a car accident and best friend to Lisa and Dean, Cas is there to help Dean pick up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loss is never easy

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is chapter one. Destiel mainly. Other characters will appear and disappear, but this will be a pretty long one. I included most tags that I think this story will need. While the first chapter doesn't include sex the next ones will, and it will get pretty dark for a while. 
> 
> I usually write one shots, but I love reading and sometimes I want them to be longer but sometimes the story lacks, I will try to avoid that. I have MANY ideas that I want to put in here, so it will be interesting. 
> 
> This is mainly a rough draft and hopefully I can get an editor to fix it up for me later. But I just had to get this story out of my head since I have so many ideas and I don't want to lose them. So hopefully you will enjoy. While constructive criticism is OK, just don't be mean. Thanks!

Town: Pulaski, Va.

Lisa's death: Car accident. She was hit getting the mail. Dean can't even get the mail afterwards. He has to have Castiel's help. He relies on Castiel VERY heavily through this whole thing. Dean is married to Lisa but Lisa dies. Castiel is Lisa's best friend who is gay. Castiel has been in love with Dean since he met him, but couldn't do anything about it since he was with Lisa and Dean is also straight. Lisa has known Castiel all her life. Lisa meets Dean in college, then after a couple of weeks or so she introduces him to Cas. Castiel and Dean hit is off and become great friends. All are each other's best friends. Lisa then marries Dean. Castiel has a rough time knowing the man he loves is married and happy. He eventually moves on and gets into a relationship with Crowley. Though Cas is into BDSM, this Crowley guy is bad news. We start the day that she dies. Dean calls Castiel to tell him to come over and tell him what happened.

 

Tuesday August 16th 2013 7:35 pm

*ring* Ringtone - Nights in white satin by The Moody Blues "...'Cause I love you, Yes, I love you, Oh how I love youuuuuuuuuuu..."

Castiel reaches for his phone, knowing it is Dean who is calling him. That ringtone is specific to Dean's number. Luckily Dean never hears it.

"Hey Dean, what's up?"

Silence.

"Dean, what's wrong?" It sounds like sniffling on the other end.

"Cas...I...I uh need you, come over. Please" Cas hears the tone in his voice and notices something he has never heard before. A sadness. Need. He is worried. He hates that Dean has said words he longs to hear, just not in this tone.

"Be right there" Cas grabs a bottle of Jack off the bar, he feels as though they might need it. He grabs his keys and heads out the door. Luckily they only live about 5 minutes from each other. 

They used to live together, but after Dean and Lisa married, he felt he needed to move out. Give them their space. He moved in with them for a short time during...

"Oh no you don't Cas, stop thinking about that" He switches his thoughts to Dean. He will call his therapist in the morning. He always needs to when that night creeps into his thoughts.

Cas pulls in the driveway and runs up to the house and opens the door to find Dean on the couch. Crying. He runs up to him crouches down and asks "What's wrong?"

"Lisa....it's....Lisa. Accident. She was hit by a car...getting the mail."

The room spins, Cas all but falls into a sitting position on the floor next to Dean. He can't believe it. His best friend is dead. Gone.

He can't think of anything to say to Dean. How can he comfort Dean when he needs it himself. Just on cue, Dean grabs Cas and hugs him with one of his famous bear hugs. He returns the hug. Letting 

it sink is what has happened. He cries. Dean cries. They let out the hurt together.

"I don't know what to do Cas. I need your help with..well...everything"

"You know me, always happy to help the Winchesters" Dean smiles. Cas has been a great help through the years. He feels a bit of guilt knowing how much they have relied on him through the years and 

how Cas always helps, but never seems to need help back. Then he does remember a time...that night. Cas needed help. He pushes that aside. He can't think about that, not now.

"Hey...you want a drink?" Dean nods, Cas gets up and heads out the door...

"Where ya going?" Dean says in a panic. Cas walks back over to Dean and kneels, "Just out to the car, it's ok, I am not going anywhere." He straightens back up and heads to the car and grabs the bottle of Jack and heads back in. Dean is still in the same spot. Cas sets the bottle on the coffee table and heads into the kitchen in search of a couple of glasses. He opens the cupboard door over the sink and grabs two tumblers and walks back into the living room and pours out two drinks for them.

"I don't know what to do Cas"

"It's ok, we will figure it out. It'll be ok" Dean looks as Cas and smiles. That warm smile that can heat up the coldest room. Cas looks away. He can't let Dean see what effect it has on him. Dean frowns and wonders, why did he look away like that.

"What's wrong Cas?" He looks at him with worry and concern.

"I...it's just...I will tell you someday, but for now, let's just figure out what you need and how I can help" Dean looks satisfied with his answer. One day Cas will have to tell him. It hurts lying to him.

"Well we have to make arrangements, sign some papers, head to the lawyers, ya know the usual" Cas nods. "We will take care of all that tomorrow" Cas gets up and heads to the door opens it...

"DON'T!" Dean all but screams. Cas turns and looks to Dean. "Don't leave me, I....I...don't wanna be alone. Stay with me please?" Cas closes the door and locks it. Sets his keys, phone and wallet 

on the mantle. He walks over to Dean and sits down beside him. Really unsure of what to say. He tries to think of something to help get his mind off of death, at least for a moment.

"Movie?" Dean looks at Cas with an innocent look, like a child would. He lights up a little. Cas knows how to comfort him. Cas gets up walks to the entertainment center and looks at the movie shelf.

"What sounds good?" Dean looks so deep in thought. Like his life depends on him finding the right movie. Cas decides he better find something and quick, before he really breaks down. He knows it 

is is inevitable, but at least he is going to try to get his through tonight. He thinks, and finally decides no drama, romance, etc. Comedy also seems a bad choice. Ah Sci-fi, fantasy or at least something without violence, or car accidents.

Cas grabs a movie and asks "How about 'The Others'?" Dean thinks for a second and nods. Cas takes out the DVD and puts it in the DVD player. He grabs the remote and sits down beside Dean.

"How long has it been since you ate?" Dean looks down. "I haven't ate since I heard. I am not sure I want to." Cas feels like he was hit in the stomach. He feels for Dean. He hates that he has to go through this. He wants to have Lisa back. To make Dean happy again. Even though Dean loves Lisa and not him. He just wants the best for him. Cas snaps out of his thoughts and grabs his phone and orders Jimmy Johns.

"Thanks Cas, you have no idea how much you being here is helping. You and Lisa are my best friends....were my best friends." Dean looks down and tears start dropping. Without missing a beat Cas slides off the couch and crouches in front of Dean and lightly grabs the sides of his face and holds his head back up.

"We will ALWAYS be your best friends. No matter what. Though she may not be here, she can at least listen." Dean visibly relaxes and smiles. That same damn smile. Oh if he only knew what that did to me. Dean bends forward and rests his head on Cas' shoulder.

"Thanks Man...I am so glad you're here" Cas closes the distance and hugs Dean. Dean cries into Cas' shoulder.

"We should probably get you into bed" Cas stands up and hands his hand out to Dean. Dean grabs it slightly then stands up and squeezes it tighter. Cas leads Dean to his bedroom. Dean stops before going in. He can't go in. Dean doesn't have to say a word and Cas understands and leads Dean the other way.

"Wanna stay at my house?" Deans nods. Cas sits Dean back down on the couch and grabs all the items he thinks Dean will need and puts them in a tote bag. Clothes, phone, charger, wallet. Cas grabs the bag, walks over to Dean and hands him his hand again. Again, Dean grabs it and let's Cas lead. A new feeling for him. He was always the leader in everything. Cas grabs his keys and unlocks his car, then turns and walks back to close and lock Dean's front door. They both get into Cas' car. Dean smiles and laughs.

"I can't believe you still have this thing, she looks so beautiful though. Cas remembers the day he bought her from Dean and Lisa. A 1967 Chevy Impala. Baby. His baby now. Cas loves driving it. Knowing it was Dean's. That Dean loved that car. That was the one thing he never understood was how Lisa got Dean to sell it. If it were him, he would have let him keep it. Cas starts her up, he loves how Baby purrs. Dean closes his eyes and remembers the sound. He pulls out of the driveway and heads to home. Luckily, he doesn't live far. It was amazing when he was thinking about moving back to town that this house came up for sale and well within his price range. It was an old farmhouse. Around late 1890's. She didn't need much fixing up. Just some updating mainly. Cas pulls into his driveway and they get out and walk up to the house. Cas unlocks the door and let's Dean walk in first and he walks to the chair he always sits in when he is at Cas'.

"Well do you want to go to bed or do you want to stay up, talk, maybe have a drink?" Cas sees the confusion on Dean's face and decides for him. He walks over to him and says "How about bed? Well 

figure things out tomorrow" Dean stands up and in a move that shocks both, Dean grabs Cas' hand again while he leads him to his guest room.

"Everything you need is in this closet here. Extra blankets, pillows, towels, washcloths." Dean let's go of Cas' hand and hugs Cas. "Thanks again Man. I am so glad you are here, I don't know what I would do without you" Dean lets go and walks in the room and closes the door.

Castiel turns and walks down the rest of the way to his room. He decides to leave the door open in case Dean needs him. He walks into his bathroom, closes the door and gets dressed for bed. Usually he sleeps naked, but he decides it would be best to have clothes on tonight. Just in case, because of Dean. He puts his pajamas on, brushes his teeth, and climbs into bed. What a night he thinks. I've lost my best friend and my other best friend/love lost his love/best friend. Cas silently weeps until he passes out from exhaustion.


	2. Waking up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Morning after the accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, now we are going to start getting into the steamy parts ;) Sooooo sorry this is so short, but I just needed it uploaded so I can start on more chapters and other stories. I hope y'all enjoy :)

The Next Day -

Castiel startles awake when he hears some noise, and realizes that Dean is here. And awake. He tosses himself out of bed, walks into his bathroom to do his morning routine. Relieve himself, shower, shave, brush his teeth and dress. He undresses and is ready to hop in the shower. 

He stops before stepping in. He think to himself. Why did I build this HUGE shower stall only to shower alone. His thoughts run to Dean. As they usually do. He turns the water on. Waits for a few seconds until it is warm enough and steps in. He goes through his normal washing, and decides he had better relieve himself and hope that it will help with nothing popping up around Dean later. Cas would rather have something real, but a quick wank is the best thing this morning. He doesn't want to be long and keep Dean waiting, just in case he needs him. Cas grabs the bottle of conditioner. The best one for use in those cases of sex in the shower. He dispenses some in his hand and he slides his hand slowly up and down his cock. He grips the handle as he almost lost his balance. Damn that feels good he thinks to himself. He needs a good fuck session, it's been a while. He glides it faster and squeezes a bit harder. He imagines Dean touching his cock. Sliding his hand over him. Licking him...and that was all it took. He feels his balls tightened and he sighs a "umph" out and let's the hot water wash away his mess. He turns the water off and grabs his towel. He walks over to the sink to shave and decides not to. Eh not looking too bad with a little stubble there Cas. Why not. 

Cas brushes his teeth and walks into his room and nearly walks into Dean. Dean had come into his room and startled the hell out of him enough for Cas to drop his towel. 

"Oh shit, sorry Cas. Um didn't mean to scare ya like that." Cas bends down, grabs his towel and re-adjusts it. 

"eh it's ok. No big deal." Dean looks a little uncomfortable. "Dude...you are really packing some heat there. You're bigger than me." Now it's Cas' turn to look uncomfortable and a little turned on. He noticed. He saw. He looked. Damn why can't this man be gay.

"Yeah, I guess it's a blessing and curse. 9 inches if you really wanted to know" Dean blushes and looks away. "Yeah I wasn't gonna ask, but yeah I wanted to know. Lisa measured it for me once, it 

was kinda funny. A whole whopping 7 inches." Cas cleared his throat and was begging not to get another hard on thinking about Dean's 7 inches. Especially when a towel has nothing to hide.

"Did ya need something? I don't mean it like that...I mean we can just talk if you want, or whatever you need man" Dean has never heard Cas change subjects that quickly before. He must be 

uncomfortable. He doesn't know why. They are talking about cock. He knows Cas loves cock. He knows how submissive he is. 

"Did I make you uncomfortable Cas?" Dean asks.

"A little bit, I mean, you know I'm gay. It's just talking about things that turn me on, with someone who isn't turned on by them, who I can't do anything with, Who is married...." A look of panic 

sweeps his face. OMG did I just really say that? Dean smiles and Cas feels relieved.

"It's ok man. I know you weren't being insensitive. Oh and I understand...you don't want me getting you all hot and bothered only to give you blue balls. Sorry. I didn't 

realize it at the time" Dean blushes. How is the hell could he be that stupid. Teasing poor Cas like that. Oh wait it's Cas. He isn't into me. Or is he. I am not sure anymore. Dean suddenly feels 

a huge wave of confusion and it hits him again. Lisa is gone. His partner his lover. He doesn't have anyone anymore. A tear slides down his cheek. Cas walks up to him and puts his 

arms around him. Hugging him tight. Dean slides his hands around Cas as well. Dean melts into the hug. Cas is trying to comfort his best friend while simultaneously willing his growing erection to 

go away.

Dean is the first to pull away. "Hey how about some breakfast? After I woke up I just started cooking and couldn't stop. That's why I came in here to tell ya it's ready."

Cas and Dean walk into the kitchen and Cas just about gasps. Dean has made it all. Bacon, sausage, eggs, hash browns, corned beef hash, a couple of omelets, pancakes, french toast, toast.

"Oh good god Dean what did you do?" Cas says laughing. Dean starts laughing as well.

"I told ya man, I just couldn't stop. Hope you enjoy it" Cas walks over to the counter and grabs some bacon, sausage, eggs and toast. Dean plates some eggs, toast and corned beef hash.

"Thanks for breakfast Dean" Dean smiles at Cas while setting his plate down on the dining room table. "No problem, you've been great to me since. I'm such a wreck right now. I just don't know what to do."

"Like I told you Dean. We will get it all figured out. ANYTHING you need!" Dean smiles at Cas again. What would he ever do without him. Cas and Dean eat in silence. After they are finished Dean grabs the plates and sets them in the sink while preparing the dishwasher.

"You don't have to do that Dean, you cooked I will clean, just sit relax a minute." Cas loads the dishwasher and runs the load. He walks over to the seat next to Dean and is trying to prepare himself for the next conversation that needs to be made. All the arrangements, legal, funeral, etc. He is so dreading this conversation.


	3. Funerals and a sense of closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Funerals have a sense of closure for Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah I wrote quite a bit for this chapter but it's not really done yet...but I just wanted to get it up and get to the juicy parts. Which are coming VERY soon. I just can't make a story last and I will scold myself for making it too long since I am just a lil impatient :)

Castiel decides it is time to start getting into the serious talks and start planning out everything. He hates having to help plan his best friend's funeral, but Dean needs him. He just lost his wife and best friend.

"So what do we need to do Dean? What arrangements need to be made?" Dean looks down and speaks very softly. "Mainly figure out which funeral home to go to and which cemetery to bury her in."

"Do you have a preference? Did she have any arrangements made at all?"

"No, she never really talked about these kinds of things. I mean we had insurance policies, but that was about it. I have all the paperwork at home in my safe." Dean looks up at Cas and sighs. "If you could go over everything with me that would really help. You know I am just no good at these sort of things man."

"Yeah it's no problem Dean. Let's head on over there now and we will make all the calls and get everything settled."

Cas gets up from the kitchen table and grabs his wallet and sticks in his back pocket and grabs his keys. "Ready?"

"Yup let's tackle it" Dean stands up and walks towards the door behind Cas.

The car ride is silent. Cas is unsure of what to say. Dean is unsure of what to say. When they arrive at the house, Dean gets out and realizes he forgot his keys. Cas just behind him realizes he forgot them.

"Yeah I got that extra key still" He hands Dean his set. Dean gently grabs the keys but doesn't let go and just pulls Cas into one of Dean's signature bear hugs. "Thanks again for the help man" Cas melts into his hugs. As he always does. "You know I am always there for you, always have and always will be. I always come when you call" In an unexpected move, Cas pulls away. He is starting to chub up and this is not the place nor time. He clears his throat. "Let's go inside now" Cas walks up to the door. Dean looks a little bit puzzled. Did he do something wrong. Why did he pull away like that? He never does, but he let's it slide for now and walks up to the door and unlocks it. He sets the keys on the mantle and walks into his room and opens the closet and opens his safe. He grabs the stack of papers, closes it and walks back into the living room and sits on the couch.

"Here's what I got" Cas looks over all the papers. Looks like she had things in order better than Dean thought. Insurance papers with a great policy. $500,000. Plus, a cemetery deed for burial.

"Looks like all we have to do is call the insurance company, also send them a death certificate. Then call the cemetery on this paper here and pick a funeral home. The cemetery might have some ideas on that. So seems pretty simple. She actually did great with the arrangements so you wouldn't have much to do Dean." A looks of relief washes over Dean. Cas makes it seems so simple.

"Hey why don't I call the cemetery and find some suggestions for a funeral home for the memorial and you call the insurance company?"

"Thanks man, that is a huge help" Cas grabs his cell out of his pocket and looks through the paperwork for a number while Dean does the same.

\--

Dean finishes first. Everything was fairly easy. Just had to send them a death certificate and they would have the policy filled and he would be able to pay any additional arrangements made without having to burden himself with payments. Cas finishes his call and has a short list and explains that they recommended this one the most since they have the best services. They are a little more expensive but are the best out there. "Lisa deserves the best man, we'll go with the better one" So Dean calls the funeral home to make the arrangements and then calls the cemetery to get all that rolling.

"Hey how about I make dinner tonight since you made breakfast for me?" Dean nods. "Sounds great, can I have my fave?" Cas laughs. "Of course Dean. You know I ALWAYS make your fave when I cook. Do you have all the ingredients or do we need to run to the store?" Deans shakes his head. "I've got everything here to make it, ya know, just in case" Dean winks. Cas laughs again. "Ok apple pie it is" Dean smiles and throws his hands in the air in delight.

A couple of days later. August 19th. The Day of the funeral.

The room is packed. Cas looks over to Dean, he looks so nervous. He sees all of Lisa's family. Family that doesn't like Dean. That pretty much disowned Lisa for marrying a mechanic. She was a doctor. They all thought that she was marrying beneath her. Cas scoffs at the thought. Little did they know. Snooty bastards. They never really cared for her if they didn't accept her and Dean together. They loved each other. Unlike a lot of married couples these days. The memorial progresses while all her family speaks about Lisa, Dean is the last one to speak. He looks nervous but he is dealing with it quite well.

"We had a great 5 years together. I loved her more than anything. She was my best friend. My wife. While our time was short together. It was the best years of my life. I would never trade them for anything. I know most of her family didn't care for and cut her out of their life. I am sorry that they felt that way. Because that time was wasted. She is gone now and you have to live with your decisions....and regrets. I love you Lisa Winchester. I always have and always will." Dean steps down from the podium and walks out of the room.

Cas follows him and Dean stops in the main room just before walking out the door. His hand on the door knob. Cas places his hand on Dean's. Dean turns and looks at Cas. "I need to leave Cas, come with me. I am about to breakdown" Cas grips Deans hand the knobs and twists they walk out together. They walk to Cas' car and get in. "Just drive man. I don't care where" Cas starts baby up and Dean closes his eyes. He is enjoying her purr. Cas backs up and pulls out of the parking lot. He just heads south. Silence. A comfortable silence.

A couple of hours later. "I think we need to pull over and gets something to eat and drink Dean" Deans snaps out of his silence. "Oh yeah man. I just zoned out." Cas pulls off the highway at the next exit and heads for the Whataburger. They barely say anything during dinner. But when they get back in the car Dean finally speaks. "I think we need to catch a motel room for the night. I am tired and I am sure you are too" Cas agrees. He is tired and doesn't really want to drive the couple of hours back tonight. They drive a few miles and find a motel. Dean and Cas walk in ask the attendant for a room. He says that he only has one room left that is unreserved. "That's fine. We'll take it. I'll pay." Dean gives him his credit card and fills out the paperwork. They hop back in the impala and drive towards the back to their room. # 117. Cas' favorite number. They get out and Dean hands Cas one of the key cards. Dean opens the door and his jaw drops. Cas walks up to the door. "Ahem...ah they uh gave us room with one queen bed. If you are uncomfortable Dean I can sleep on the floor or the impala." Dean wrinkles his brow.

"It's too cold to sleep in baby. Plus, that isn't fair. The floor sucks. It's fine. I am not uncomfortable Cas, unless it makes you uncomfortable?" Cas shakes his head. It does but doesn't. But he doesn't say anything. He hopes nothing embarrassing happens.

"I'm gonna get ready for bed." Dean walks into the bathroom and showers. Cas feels like doing the same. Wish he could walk in and join him. But he tosses the idea aside. He just sits on the bed waiting for Dean to finish so he can shower. Cas can't help himself and the thoughts of Dean in the shower. He just can't will them away. Cas is jerked out of his thoughts of Dean when Dean opens the bathroom door in nothing but a towel. "Um yeah I don't have any clean clothes to change into, didn't really think about that, have you got anything?" Cas thinks really hard. He thinks there are a couple of items in his gym bag in the trunk. "Yeah I think I got some stuff, I'll go grab it." Cas walks out to the car and grabs his gym bag and brings it back into the room. He sets it on the bed and rummages though it, a clean pair of Saxx, a clean pair of shorts and two clean shirts. Cas grabs the pair of Saxx and hands them to Dean. "Here they should fit you great and they are clean. I'll wear the shorts to bed. I am gonna go shower now" Cas walks into the bathroom and gets a good shot of Dean's scrumptious ass. Oh thank the gods for mirrors and small towels. He closes the door, undresses and turns on the shower and gets in. Cas thinks he had better run one out and hope to god he doesn't get hard and start humping Dean in the middle of the night. It's been so long since he's been with someone. He misses it. He hasn't been with anything since that night. Since Crowley. Well that pretty much killed the mood. While Cas has gotten over most of what happened, it still bothers him. It was a very rough time in his life. He is still seeing a therapist over it. He just finishes up cleaning and turns the shower off, steps out and dries himself off. He grabs the short and puts them on.

"Hey you decent man?" Cas says as he steps out. Dean is. He is wearing Cas' underwear. His purple Saxx. He looks great in them. He knew he would. Part of him just had to know what he would look like and that's why he handed him the underwear, so it would show off his ass and package.


	4. Good things never last long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really too much to put here to summarize, so yeah. It FINALLY gets REALLY good. Yes there's some naughty in here :) The next chapter will be up soon. It's gets down the the real deal then. I really had a hard time with this one. While I think I am a very crappy author, I have just so many ideas, and I would rather give people prompts and directions and maybe edit, but doing ALL the work is overwhelming. But I do the best I can. Hope you enjoy :) Just please be gentle with criticism.

Yeah wow. I never imagined Dean would look that damn awesome in those boxer briefs. I can tell he is uncomfortable. They have a tendency to accentuate your package.

"So which side do you want?" Deans asks. He still looks so uncomfortable. I have got to find a way to get him to relax a little. I bet he wouldn't like what I have in mind, but I can do the next 

best thing. After all it's nice using the whole 'Hey want a back rub...' line. Luckily it doesn't seem that creepy when you do have the credentials to back it up. Hopefully all those killer weeks 

of school will pay off. 

"Hey you want another one of my famous massages? Get all those kinks worked out. Help DE-stress ya a bit" Dean just shrugs his shoulders and says "sure why not" I walk into the bathroom and grab 

one of those small little bottles of lotion they give you. Not the best obviously, but it will do.

I walk over to him and tell him to lay face down and get comfy. I grab the lotion bottle and quirt some in my hands and warm it up before pressing my hands into his back. I work my way over his 

shoulders blades and neck. God he is tense. "Man you are tense. Gonna go a bit deeper than I normally do and really work that out." Though I could work on him all day like this. Damn he is hot and 

feels so damn good, I tell him to roll over.

"um I can't man" Ah I have heard that line so many times it's not even funny. He has a hard on. Hmm. Well I don't want him getting uncomfortable again. 

"It's OK, I know. This really does happen to men a lot. You just get so relaxed and it feels good having someone rubbing you like that...well it just happens. You can turn around, unless you are 

too embarrassed. That's OK. Either way is good with me." He doesn't turn around.

"I am just gonna stay here OK. I am relaxed enough I think I can sleep better now. Thanks man, you do have magic hands" I feel so pleased. Glad he feels better. 

"No problem Dean. Hey I am gonna go grab some snacks at that convenience store across the street. You want anything?" Cas puts on his clothes and grabs his wallet.

"Naw man, I am just gonna fall asleep" Cas walks out of the room and walks across the street. He grabs some jerky, beer, and then Cas stops and sees that they sell pie, cherry and apple. Awesome. 

He knows if he buys it Dean will eat it, so he grabs a slice of both.

Dean is back in bed thinking he should have asked Cas to bring him something too. He just can't sleep. He grabs his cell off the night stand and calls Cas. He hears Cas' phone in the room. He left 

it here. Damn. Wait. What is that? ...."...'Cause I love you, Yes, I love you, Oh how I love youuuuuuuuuuu..." He closes his phone. Why would Cas have that as his tone for him? Am I reading more 

into this than I should? How can I not. How am I gonna ask the guy about it. Just as the thought crosses his mind, Cas walks back in the room. Carrying a god awful amount of midnight snacks. He 

walks over to the table and sets everything down.

"Hey you're awake. I brought beer...and pie!" Cas holds up the piece of cherry pie. Dean suddenly realizes. Cas loves him. Why would he have that song? Why would he do this much for him, why he is 

always there for him no matter what. His mouth goes dry. He is unsure of what to say about it.

"Earth to Dean. Hey I have PIE!" Cas raises his voice a little more.

"Yeah man I am just gonna fall asleep. Too tired for pie" He lays back down and pulls the covers up. How the hell is he going to deal with this. Cas puts the pie back down. He is a little taken 

back that Dean doesn't want the pie, but shrugs it off. He grabs his beer and takes a swig. Then grabs the jerky and grabs a piece and eats it. He better leave the rest for tomorrow. He doesn't 

want to put on all those calories tonight just before bed. So he walks over to the bed, undresses down to his shorts and climbs in. He is really exhausted and falls asleep almost right away.

What the hell? What....OMG I look at the clock it's 3:15 a.m. and Dean is cuddling me, no humping me. Is he sleeping or what? I start to turn over to wake him and he flips me on my back, and climbs 

on top of me. Straddling me. He looks at me and I am just speechless. What is this? What is he doing?

"Don't talk man, just......don't. Just let me do this.... please?" Dean pauses and looks at me asking for permission. Shocked at what is actually happening. I am unsure of what to do. I know this 

has got to be the grief, but I can't say no. This is going to make it weird between us. I know it, but I have to do it. I just can't say no to him. So I just nod.

Dean on top of me. Grinding his hard on into my groin. I am instantly hard. I am really unsure at how I want to play this. Do I let him take control? Do I just let him do what he wants? Do I take 

control? Dean takes the decision out of my hands when he kisses me and rolls me on top of him. OMG surely he doesn't want me to top him. He's straight. He's never been with a guy. This would be 

his first time.

I lean in and whisper in Dean's ear. "Is this what you want Dean? Are you sure? I know this would be your first time. Do you want me to top you?" I raise my head back up. He has his eyes closed, 

but nods and says "Yes, I want you Cas. I know how you feel" Cas looks shocked. He can't move, but stiffens and woodenly says "How do you know?"

"I heard your ringtone man, it's OK" Dean pulls Cas down into a kiss so hot that would burn Lucifer himself. Cas takes over after this. He grinds into Dean. He feels how hard Dean is. Cas ventures 

down to Dean's nipples, suckling gently. Gently pinching them. Dean bucks into Cas. He moves down and practically tears off Dean's, rather Cas' underwear. Oh how beautiful, Cas thinks. He has 

wanted to see it for so many years and it isn't a let down. His cock is more beautiful than he could ever imagine. He takes Dean into his mouth. Dean grabs Cas' hair and yanks slightly, just the 

way he likes. Cas sucks with more fervor to reward Dean for doing what he likes. He reminds himself to be gentle with Dean. Dean probably doesn't like it as rough as he does. Cas uses some of his 

spit and lubes up his finger. He runs his finger along Dean's perineum down to his hole. Rubbing his finger along the outside. Dean bucks into Cas' mouth almost making him gag. Ah he hit a 

sensitive spot. He lubes his finger more before sliding it into Dean, just to the knuckle to read his reaction. Dean is moaning and pushing against Cas' finger. So he slides it in more. Dean 

nearly hits the roof. "Oh god what was THAT?" Cas smirks. "Dean that was your prostate, and yes it feels that good every time" Cas resumes his rubbing and slides in another finger. Dean grabs the 

sheets, grunts and closes his eyes. "You still OK there?"

"Yeah man, it's ok. Hurts a little, but a good kind of hurt" Cas nods. He knows that feeling all too well. Though his first time was way more rough and really against his will. He shakes the 

thought out of his head and resumes with a third finger. Dean is now slowly fucking himself on Cas' fingers. He's ready. Cas gets up and quickly walks over to the bathroom and grabs the lotion 

again. He drops his shorts and climbs back up on the bed and squirts what's left of the lotion onto his hand and grabs his dick and pumps a few times to get it slicked up and then uses the same 

hand to rub some on Dean's hole. Sticking another finger in to make sure he has some inside him. He positions himself against Dean, looks down at him, again making sure this is what he wants. 

"I'm ready Cas. Make love to me please?" Cas enters Dean in one swift motion. Oh god. He feels so tight. Like he is milking him. Dean winces, but relaxes moments after. Cas grabs Dean's cock and 

slowly jacks him while thrusting into him.

"Oh I never thought this would feel this good. It feels great Cas. You feel great." Cas leans down and kisses Dean, Dean moans hard into Cas' mouth and yells "Oh god Cas...I'm coming" Cas quickens 

the pace and rides Dean into his orgasm. Dean spasms and his muscles contract and he cums hard all over himself and Cas. Cas coming swiftly behind Dean whispers "I love you" as he finishes 

unloading into Dean. Cas out of breath pulls out of Dean and crawls beside him. Still feeling good and not wanting it to end. He knows he is going to have to talk to Dean. They are going to have 

to have "The Talk". Not yet thought. Not until Dean starts it. Cas didn't know what to say anyways.

"You know we are going to have to talk about this right?" Deans says flatly. "I am really unsure of what to say. I had no idea until tonight how you felt. Why did you say anything?"

"yeah right, Oh yeah how about 'Dean, I'm in love with you. Please leave Lisa and be with me'. Somehow I think that wouldn't have gone over really well"

"Well I guess not, but still. I am ok with it. It's a bit uncomfortable, I love Lisa. LOVED Lisa. I couldn't imagine loving someone like that and them not knowing about it. Pining away like that. On the 

other hand, Lisa probably wouldn't have liked it. You know how jealous she was. When did this happen Cas?"

"Dean, I was attracted to you from the beginning. I have wanted you since then. Then you got engaged to Lisa. Got married. Then Crowley happened and for a short while I was ok. Then *THAT* night 

happened and that's when I knew. I knew I loved you. But I knew I couldn't have you. So I just held it in. It hurts Dean. I am not sure what this night means, but you don't love me. You're 

straight. Your wife just died. I shouldn't have done this. We just buried her. This is grief. You wouldn't of just jumped into bed with me like this. I've really have made a huge mistake. I hope 

you don't come to hate me Dean" Cas says with a heavy sadness in his eyes. "I've got to go." Cas gets up and gets dressed in record time and is out the door before Dean can say anything. He leaves 

his phone. His keys. But at least took his wallet. "Oh Cas...why?" Dean grabs his clothes and throws them on and grabs all the items and throws them in the car and takes off down the road, looking 

for Cas. He goes one way, he figures Cas would walk towards town.

Cas is walking alongside the road. Not really paying attention to anything. A car pulls up. Oh good he thinks. This guy can give me a ride into town and I can figure out what I am going to do. How 

I am going to deal with this...and Dean. He slides into the car without looking at the driver. All of a sudden he feels hands all over him and something...a cloth...with something on it over his 

mouth and nose........then blackness. The driver throws a box alongside the road with Cas' wallet that he fished out of Cas' pocket and takes off.

Dean only has to go a couple of miles before he spots a couple of items alongside the road. It's a box and a wallet. He pulls over, gets out and walks over to them. It's Cas' wallet. He picks it 

up and it is his for sure. His license, cash, cards are all in there. But no sign of Cas. But Dean picks up the box and opens it. Inside is a note.

 

Dear Dean,

I see you have finally wised up and figured out my boy's little secret crush on you.  
He can't be happy with you. Only *I* can make him truly happy.  
Don't worry I will take good care of him. He is mine after all. I take care of what's mine.

Laters,  
Crowley.

 

Dean's knees give out. He drops to his knees and drops the letter and wallet in his hands. What is happening? It's his worst nightmare. Crowley is back. Why is he back? After all this time. He has 

to call the police. Cas will never make it out alive this time. He barely made it out last time. Before he knows what's happening. A tear slides down his cheek. Then another. He can't stop them 

from coming. He has to get him back. Whatever the cost. He wants Cas.


	5. Things just aren't what they seem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning* There are scenes of rape/non-consent in this chapter. Crowley takes back what he thinks is his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning* There are scenes of rape/non-consent in this chapter. I am trying to elaborate the story more but I am just rushing myself.

October 2008 - 5 Years ago.

Dean having just proposed to Lisa. Cas joins them in a congratulations while you watch the love of your life marry someone else engagement party at a local bar and grill. He is so happy for Dean and Lisa besides the point. He loves them both, and wishes them well. He would never say or do anything to hurt either one. He needs to move on. Find someone else. Hopefully he will get lucky if he starts hitting the bars around town. Luckily it's a fairly popular college town and there are many possibilities. He wishes them all the luck in the world and makes his excuse to leave. He goes to a local gay bar down the street and hopes to either drown his sorrows or sex. A sorry excuse for a consolation prize but still. Something, anything to get his mind off it. Tonight would be a night to remember, one Cas would soon rather forget.

Cas walks into the bar and sees the usual. Couples dancing. Drinking. Dry humping. His cock jerks in his pants seeing what he would love to have with Dean. But he pushes the thought out of his head. He is with Lisa now. He walks up to the counter and orders scotch on the rocks. He slugs it back and orders another. He notices a guy walking around. Looking at all the couples. Then the man notices him. Cas makes eye contact, then looks away when the bartender sets down his drink. He grabs it, looks back in the direction of the man and makes eye contact again while slugging back his third drink of the night. The man is gorgeous. Around maybe 30 years old. A bit shorter than he likes. Well if he really had a type. It sucks being a virgin. While he has dated, he hasn't been with anyone yet. He likes his men taller, but hey he is hot. Dark, maybe even black hair. Nicely trimmed goatee. He is dressed all in black. His favorite color. He turns around again and orders another. He turns to look back in the direction of the man and doesn't see him. He is disappointed, maybe mystery man isn't interested in him after all. He feels a hand on his shoulder.

"Boo" say the mystery man. Cas turns and comes face to face with his mystery man. "Name's Crowley." Oh god an English accent, with a hint of Scot. Nice.

"Crowley huh?" Cas asks with a confused face.

"Yeah well actually it's my last name, I hate my first name, Fergus, so I just go by Crowley."

"Ah I see what you mean. Yeah I would too. Mine's Castiel. Yeah. Some nice parentage on that one too huh? But you can call me Cas" Cas extends his hand for Crowley to shake and he takes Cas' hand and shakes. Firmly. Then grabs him and pulls him closer.

"I am not normally this forward, but I think the attraction is mutual and I am a man of action and less talk, so wanna get out of here?" Cas is shocked by his forwardness, but agrees and nods. Crowley pulls out his wallet, puts a crisp $100 dollar bill down and tells the bartender to keep the change. He puts his wallet back and grabs Cas' hand and leads him outside.

"Do you want to want follow me back to my place or just leave your car here?" Cas thinks for a second. "I will leave it here and get it later. Or have my friend pick it up later" Crowley walks over to his car. A very nice car. An Audi. WOW this guys has money. Obviously, since he left a $100 on a maybe a 30 dollar tab. Crowley walks Cas to the passenger sides, unlocks it and slides Cas in. Crowley gets in the driver seat and takes off. They drive for about a half hour and finally get to a nicer town and the houses keep getting bigger and bigger. Finally he pulls up to a long driveway and what looks like a mansion to Cas. While it isn't, it sure seems it. At least in the mid to upper range of a million. He pulls up just outside the house in a circular drive. Walks out, opens Cas' door and reaches for his hand, all while thinking I guess chivalry isn't dead. Cas gets out and walks with Crowley into the house. He takes off his jacket and opens a closet door in the foyer and asks Cas if he wants to hang his jacket. Cas takes off his jacket and hands it to him and he hangs it up aside his.

"Shall we?" He sticks his hand out to Cas again. Man he likes holding hands a lot. He leads him to a hallway and stops in front of a door.

"Do you need anything? A drink? Food? Bathroom?" Um yeah a drink would be great and a bathroom."

"Bathroom is right here. I will go get your drink. If you are out before I am back, then just head into the room here across from the bathroom. I will be right back" Cas goes into the bathroom and immediately texts Lisa and let's them know where he is at. Cas relieves himself and washes his hands and takes a deep breath. You can do this. Maybe Crowley can make me forget. Forget Dean. With that last thought he walks out of the bathroom and into the the room across. Crowley is sitting on a couch. In what looks like his library. A magnificent room filled wall to wall shelving of books. Cas loves this room and wishes he had the means to have a room like this. He loves to read. Cas walks over to the couch and sits next to Crowley. Crowley hands him a drink.

"Scotch, on the rocks. I know that's what you like. Except mine if far better than the swill they serve at the bar." Cas knocks it back. Holy shit it's good. Strong but good. Must be very old. "You want to head upstairs?" Cas freezes. He wants this. He needs this. But he is just so nervous.

"It's ok. This is your first time isn't it?" Cas looks down. Crowley sensed his innocence. He nods. Crowley leans over towards Cas more and lightly touches Cas' chin and pulls up so he can see into his eyes. "Well that's ok. I will take it slow. Make it good for you" Cas feels a bit more relaxed. More relaxed than he has felt in a long time. Crowley stands up and holds out his hand. Cas without thinking lightly squeezes it and pulls himself up, he follows him upstairs to hallway. To a door. Crowley takes out a small set of keys and opens the door. "I want to show you my world. A world that can both give and take away pain. A world where you can forget the ho-hum of everyday life." With that, Crowley opens the door. It's a sex room. He has graphic male/male pictures on the wall, in various stages of sex. A dresser, swing, bed, a beautiful possibly antique Chaise lounge, various shelves with various toys on them. Everything from vibrators to whips. Many whips. Oh god what did I get myself into?

"Don't be scared darling, I will take care of you. Come." He leads Cas to the bed and lays him down. He then removes Cas' clothes one item at a time. Slowly. Like he is savoring each moment of undress. After getting down Cas down to his boxer briefs, Crowley stands up and undresses in front of Cas. Slowly, like he did for Cas. It's working, Cas is so hard. He loves looking at Crowley's body. Very beautiful. Not overly buff and all muscles, and not really fat. A lil chubby, but gorgeous. Perfect. Cas removes his own underwear, says "I'm ready" and waits for Crowley.

Crowley climbs on the bed, hovers over Cas' cock and with a fast motion takes Cas' cock in his mouth. Oh wow. He's never had a blowjob before. It's great. He grabs Crowley by his hair, not overly hard, but Crowley growls, stops, looks up and says "Harder love, don't be coy with me darling, I can't take it and I can certainly give it back" With that Crowley shoved a lubed finger into Cas. Cas winced. It hurt, but felt good. He wasn't sure what he was feeling. He just knew he didn't want it to stop. "More...need more" Even Crowley is shocked. He grabs the lube and lubes up his cock. He takes his mouth off of Cas and hovers over him. Positioning himself at Cas' entrance and shoves in. Cas' eyes fly open, panicked, in pain. It hurts. "Stop, that's too much. It hurts" he says behind tears. Trying to crawl out of there. Crowley won't let him. He holds him down. He starts to take it out and then shoves it back in. Feeling the pain all over again. Cas cries out "Stop...please stop." Crowley doesn't listen. He holds Cas down and starts thrusting. Slowly this time. The pain is subsiding. It's not hurting as much, it's actually starting to feel good, really good. Crowley sees the submission in Cas' face and keeps moving, faster and faster. "You are lovely. Such a tight hole. Love being inside you" Cas is moaning. Louder than he thought he had in him. "Faster...do it faster. Harder" Crowley picks up the pace. He slams into him so hard. "You're going to make me cum love. I am going to breed your ass" Cas grabs his cock and starts pumping. He wants to cum with Crowley. The first whimper out of Crowley sends Cas into his orgasm as well. Crowley collapses on Cas. Neither one can move, nor want to.  
This would become a fairly regular thing between the two. Although, as times goes on. Crowley continues to get rougher and rougher. Cas takes it, not really sure why, but he does. About a month later from his first time with Crowley, his first time ever. He is getting tired of hiding all the bruises, all the bite marks, having to sit very gingerly, because of all that Crowley does, the toys, his cock. Though he likes it rough, Crowley is getting too rough. He goes over to talk to Lisa. They don't like Crowley. Creepy Crowley they call him, though they have only met him once they don't like him and beg Cas to dump him. Cas says yeah he should and he will, but he continues to see Crowley and lie to his friends.

Until a month later. Having too many bruises, marks to count. He goes over to Lisa and Dean's and confesses that he didn't dumb Crowley, he tells Lisa all about everything. Everything. He hopes Dean isn't around to hear this. Lisa says that Dean is in bed. He had a rough day at school and hopes that he passes his final exam. Otherwise, he has to take the course over. But Lisa quickly changes the subject back to Crowley. She pleads with him to dump him. Forever. Cas makes up his mind to do it tomorrow. He will go over there and tell him it's over. Cas has every intention of breaking it off with Crowley. Lisa says Ok, then how about we go out for a drink tomorrow night around 8 pm? "Yeah that sounds good Lisa, I'll be there"

The next night 6 pm: Cas shows up at Crowley's. He knocks on the door. Crowley lets him in. "I can't stay, I can't do this anymore. You are just a bit too rough and I can't do this!" Cas turns to walk out the door and then darkness.

When Cas wakes up. He is being held. He is tied down. His eyes are a bit blurry and he feels a bit weak, and really sore.

"Well well....he's finally awake. About time love. I was getting tired of doing all of this by myself." Cas looks confused. He looks down at a table in front of him with various toys and objects. A dildo, vibrator, vibrating bullet with remote, a wine bottle, and a baseball bat. Oh my god...did he? Did he use those on me while I was out? "Crowley why are you doing this to me? Let me go. I won't saying anything to anyone. I promise."

"I know you won't love, because you are never leaving. At least you woke up so you could enjoy this, I've saved the best for last." Crowley picks up the bat, while Cas pleads for him not to do this. He gets it close to his entrance, Cas closes his eyes and tries to prepare himself for what is to come when the door flies open. It's Lisa and Dean. Oh no...I didn't want them to ever see me like this. Cas turns his head. He can hear Lisa whispering "Oh my god...what has he done to you? Where did all this blood....." She gasps.

"Get away from him you prick!" Lisa yells. Crowley drops the bat and tries to run, not knowing the police are just outside the door waiting for him. Lisa and Dean walk over to Cas and starts to untie Cas. Dean lifts him so he won't fall to the ground. He just slowly himself sink down to the floor so Cas is in his lap on the floor. Dean holds Cas close, lets him cry it all out. Lisa grabs a blanket and covers them up. Dean just holds Cas, Cas holds him back.

 

5 Years later

Dammit how the hell did he get out of jail? Dean grabs his phone out of the impala and calls the police immediately. He talks to the same detective that arrested Crowley 5 years ago. He tells Dean that he was able to buy the best lawyer in the state and got his charges dropped down. He got out about two weeks ago. Dean's heart drops. How is he going to find Cas. He goes back to the box and note. Looking for a clue, any clue that would help. He sees a second note. A tiny one that says "No cops, just show up here" He knows it's a trap, but he wants Cas back. His Cas.


	6. The End to a rotten beginning.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of it all. Will Dean save Cas from Crowley? Will they survive...together?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of rushed the ending, which I hate doing but this is way more lengthy than I normally like. While I think this may be my worst work ever, I still had to get the idea out there. I think from now on I am going to stick to my main styles of one-shots and drabble. I would have loved to write more but I am too impatient lol. So I hope you enjoy and again please don't be mean.

Dean keeps reading the address. Hoping he got it right. Obsessively reading it making damn sure it's right. He's got to figure out a way to get Cas back. His Cas. The words just starting to sink in. What is he feeling? He was married. To a woman. He's never been with a man. But it's Cas. Cas has always been there. Helped out whenever he could. Even when he couldn't he would do his best to help, even if it wasn't wanted. I know why, because of that night. He still feels like he needs to make it up. Like saving him was a favor. I just wished the situation hadn't needed me. But it did. Cas got over most of it. Though it has been years, I know he still has trouble. He hasn't dated since Crowley either. Just another 10 minutes and he will be there.He pulls up to a small house and pulls into the driveway. There is one other car here. Must be Crowley's. He takes a deep breath and gets out of the car and walks up to the door and rings the bell. Crowley answers it right away.

"Oh good. You're here. Cas misses you. He keeps calling for you. Come in and see him" Crowley walks Dean to the back bedroom. 

Before he walks in, he says "You had better be quiet or I might not be able to let him go back to you, no sounds. Nothing or I will kill him. You do what I say" Cas is strung up exactly the same as before. Except no blood this time. Dean is mildly relieved. Cas is blind folded and gagged. Crowley makes a "Shh" sign to Dean. 

Crowley walks over to Cas. He grabs his cock. Cas hisses and turns his head. "Oh right sorry love, forgot the lube" Crowley grabs a bottle of lube and pours some in his hand and works it on Cas' cock. Cas is getting hard. Dean turns his head. Crowley snaps his fingers. He wants Dean to watch. Dammit. Dean is pissed. He wants to kill the guy. For touching Cas before and then kill him again for touching him now. 

Crowley inserts his finger into Cas. Cas moans. Tears running down Cas' cheek. This is torture. I can't watch him so this to Cas. Dean takes a step. Crowley takes his hand off Cas and holds it up, then places a finger to his mouth to Shh Dean again. He puts his hand back on Cas' cock and continues. 

"How's this love? Was it like this when HE had you. This is mine. Not Dean's. He can never treat you like the way you want, the way you NEED to be treated. I know you darling. I know how rough you like it." 

Crowley grabs a dildo and thrusts it into Cas. He screams into the gag. But he's still hard. Dean can't believe it Cas is....into this? BDSM and all that. He likes it this rough? Dean's cock stirs in his jeans. He thought he liked it rough, but didn't know he liked it this rough. Crowley notices Dean's reaction, a smirk takes over his face. Crowley crooks his finger and beckons Dean over. Dean walks over and notices a baseball bat beside Cas on the opposite side, laying on the floor. If he can just get to it, he can take care of all this. Crowley takes Dean's hand and places it on Cas' cock. Then Crowley takes out the dildo and Cas sighs into the gag. Dean knows that sigh, he wants more. 

Crowley takes Dean by the shoulders and positions him in front of Cas and shoves him down gently and shoves his head toward Cas' cock. Dean wants to, but doesn't. He's never done this. He's nervous. This is bringing too many emotions to the surface. A tears slides down his cheek while he let's Cas' cock disappear into his mouth. He tastes different, not bad. Just different. He let's his jaw get used to the intrusion and then starts slowly sucking him, gently. He is closer to the bat. If he can just get Crowley to turn around long enough for him to grab it, he can hit him and knock him out. Cas feels a mouth on him. Crowley RARELY did this to him, and never this gentle. 

Crowley turns around to grab a couple of toys and Dean makes his move. He grabs the bat and swings and hits Crowley in the head. He is out. He turns around and takes the blindfold off Cas, Cas is horrified. Dean. Dean is here. Oh my god was that Dean that was sucking me. How could he do that. Why? Dean takes the ball gag off and starts to untie Cas. He hates having to do this again. Now that things are different. Different between them. Dean carries Cas to the bed and lays him down and covers him with a blanket. Dean looks down to make sure Crowley is still out and grabs his phone and dials the police. Cas sits up beside Dean.

"Dean..."

"Yeah Cas? I know what you are going to ask....yes that was me. I had to. Crowley threatened to kill you. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want him to take you away from me. Did you....*Ahem* 

Did you um....?"

"Did I enjoy all that? Is that what you are asking?" Dean looks down and nods. Cas is afraid to answer but decides to better be truthful. He doesn't want any secrets. He loves Dean. He doesn't 

want to lie to him.

"Yes...but you know I do like it rough. It's just... back then....he was too rough. I would imagine it was you the whole time, but when he started getting too rough I couldn't do it anymore. He 

knew what buttons to push with me. I remember what I learned in therapy from before. I couldn't help it if it felt good. I hope we can still be friends...?" Cas looks to Dean. Dean looks back up 

to meet Cas' eyes. He smiles. Just a small one, but enough to relieve Cas.

"Cas, I have always loved you. Just in a different way. I love you as a friend. I will always love you as a friend...." Dean hesitates. Cas feels there is more he isn't saying. Cas looks down. He 

knew better than to get his hopes up, but did anyways. He can't help it. "But....I think there is more now. You have always been there for me, for Lisa. Thank you. I love you." Dean nudges Cas' 

chin up and Dean leans down and kisses Cas. It's a needy kiss, a loving kiss.

"Noooooooo he's mine!" Crowley screams, while holding the same bat over his head and walking towards Cas and Dean. *BANG* A gunshot rings out. Crowley's eyes gloss over, he drops the bat and he 

falls to the ground. Detective Mullins is here. It's over. Cas lays his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean grabs Cas' hand and holds it. It's done. They can relax.

*Two Months Later*

"Hey...who knew you had this much stuff. Going to take several trips to get it all." Dean swats Cas on his ass. "Well you are the one who asked me to move in. So you get to put up with me and my 

stuff!" Cas smiles. Yes. Yes he did ask and Dean accepted. He never thought the day possible. Dean moving in with him. Sharing his life, his home and his heart.

"Let's leave all the unpacking for now and head upstairs" Dean says wagging his eyebrows. "You are such a horn dog. Will you ever get enough?" Dean laughs. "Nope. I will never get enough of you."

They both run upstairs and slam the door closed. Cas' playroom is nice. Bright, fun, sexy. Not scary or dark. Forgotten are the days Cas spent in Crowley's "I want you to make love to me Cas. Please." Cas smiles at Dean, how could he refuse that. While Dean is mainly the top, the dominant, Cas prefers to bottom, to be submissive to Dean, but he never refuses his partner. Dean undresses Cas and then himself and lays down on the bed.

"How do you want it tonight?" Dean looks at Cas with a heat, and says "Hard, rough, give it your all baby" Cas grins a devilish grins. Anything for you, my love!


End file.
